[ DISCLOSURE | THIS POST CONTAINS GIFTED PRODUCT ]

I’ve been telling myself for months that I need to get fit – my ‘mum-bod’ isn’t cutting it. I know this isn’t how I ought think; whether I wear a size 12 or size 16, my worth isn’t dependent on the label of my clothes. Carrying and birthing a perfect baby, my body did a wondrous thing! Yet here I am, vulnerable and saddened by what it looks it.

Let’s just say I’m good at beating myself up. Wading through daily life with chronic pain conditions and mental illness, life already isn’t the easiest. Pregnancy wasn’t kind to me either, and the time I spent relatively immobile, limited to crutches, took it’s toll; my muscles weakened and the baby weight stuck resulting in me being and feeling (very self consciously) unfit.

The problem with wanting to get fit is you wish you felt now how you hope to feel by the end.  As if there even is an end.  Good health and fitness is an endless cycle and unfortunately until I begin to do something positively about it, irrelevant of chronic conditions, I’ll forever host my own pity party.

Now, considering the importance we place on our looks, what we wear becomes a reflection of our personality and emotion; our passions, our mood, our hang ups, our state of confidence.  Likewise, if you don’t feel comfortable in your clothing it can impact your self confidence too.  To increase my fitness, I want to get back into swimming, and deciding what to wear down the baths is a big issue to me because if I feel insecure I won’t go.

Thankfully there are ways and means around swimwear body confidence (or the lack of.) Depending on the style and fabric of swimwear, shape can be accentuated or camouflaged.  Whilst there are areas I’m paranoid about, I don’t hate my body and I like to think by clever styling I can and do manage to scrub up well and hey, even look good!

UK Swimwear offers a ton of choice in swimwear (bikinis, tankinis, swimsuits and cover ups – you name it) which is just as well as I’m sure I ordered and tried on half the swimsuits in my size.

This is the Java High Neck Swimsuit by Gottex, which UK Swimwear sent me from their current swimwear range, in a size 16, to review.  I chose it for its clever mix of style and function that would boost my confidence in the least narcissistic way.

With a high neck, Java immediately stands out from the crowd.  A truly high end fashion piece that justifies its designer reputation, the Java swimsuit is a trend responsive design offering premium style that’s fully wearable.

Clever design gives Java its flattering and ultra feminine look.  Its transparent mesh neckline offers an intriguing aesthetic; sheer yet opaque enough to provide a degree of coverage and shaped to accentuate the bust.   And a bold geometric print in cool water blues draws the eye in creating a streamlined silhouette.  If you’re body conscious and love fashion, you can have it all.

Java’s strappy racer back lends a sport-luxe flavour that helps contribute to the swimsuit’s reliably snug fit. While racer backs can be tricky to dress (I did experience a tangled “how the heck did I get into this mess” moment) I do feel confidently secure wearing it.

To me, the neckline is what makes Java so stunning. I love how different it is, how it’s a little bit sexy and coy. I sway between accepting my bigger bust size, quite liking my boobs and feeling somewhat self conscious of them, so the halter style top, lightly padded with foam cup inserts and a semi veiled cleavage, appeals to me without feeling like I’m compromising.

The only issue I’ve had with the Java is that Gottex swimwear isn’t especially generous in the hip. Where a size 14 fitted me perfectly in the bust, it was too tight around my thighs so I sized up to a roomier 16; the bust area is a little looser than before but it’s wearable.  While a bit frustrating for me, it could obviously be a good point if you’re even heavier busted.  We all know how few and far between full busted swimwear can be.

Aside from that, Java’s pretty much tailor perfect. It looks absolutely beautiful and feels like a dream,  so I’m at least confident enough to dip in the pool now. Can’t say fairer than that!

Has getting back into a swimsuit post childbirth been an issue for you?  Maybe you’ve fought off those low body confidence demons and have some tips to share?  I’d love to hear your swimwear stories whether you’re off on a beach holiday or heading to the swimming pool.