My Story In a Not-so-Nutshell
I’m just a regular person who lives in a small North Yorkshire market town who happens to have a huge interest in lingerie. And modelling it. And sometimes shocking town centres in a flash mob.
16 | If you met me (the butter wouldn’t melt innocent looking me), or knew me when I was younger, you’d be forgiven for your shock-confusion. How that 16 year old I once was, uncomfortable in my own skin and recovering from an assault, ever evolved into the ‘believe you’re confident and you’ll look it’ person I am today, kinda puzzles myself.
So this was pretty much how my adult life started. I’d just left school and yet to learn my GCSE results and a group of kids I didn’t even know decided to take a home run on my future. It was a warm late August Sunday evening and I’d been beaten up.
From that day I barely left my bedroom, never left the house by myself and friends stopping calling by. Depression and anxiety took a hold and my life felt it could fall no lower. I only ever saw family, and only a chance meeting with my sister’s brother in a law the following year made my life worth living again.
|Me at 17 with the same Sean today|
|CavyCapers – my ten year baby|
Moving On | It took me several years to reach a point where I truly felt normal again. I was 23 the first time I got a job and the dread and panic still had a hold on me even then. Despite dating and now living with my fiance, I was still very dependent and hated doing anything on my own – using the phone or being left with the shopping trolley. Being afraid has always been my demon, if it weren’t for my other half booking my driving lessons I would never have learnt to drive. But that marked my next positive turning point – at 26 I passed my test! I was now an independent driver!
The Come Down | I needed to get out into the world and meet new people. I worked various small jobs as a tearoom assistant, a barista, even a farm tour guide, but I struggled to keep up with the demands of being on my feet. Pain I’d started to suffer in my hips and knees led onto the diagnosis of Hypermobility, and a few years later, following ample investigations and consultations, the finding I now had Fibromyalgia. I felt doomed never to live an ordinary life; overcoming the effects of the assault, now threatened with a life of dependence through ill health.
A New Direction | Every now and then whilst I worked someone would compliment me on my smile. Embarrassingly, I admit, I was asked if I was a model. It was only a playful remark but it did make me think.
A few years on, in January 2009 I saw an advert in a local paper to join a model agency. I decided I would go for it and see what they thought of me. It turned out to be all but a con, and sadly there were quite a few girls in tears who had fallen for the set up and paid money for nothing. I knew from this near miss that a model agency worth it’s salt should never demand up front payment.
After I came runner up in a national competition to front a health campaign, I decided I would take modelling into my own hands and began working with photographers directly, increasing my experience and building my portfolio as I went. Assignments I lined up by myself have included modelling bridal gowns for adverts, designer dresses in the setting of a grand county pile, I even keep seeing myself in the Daily Mail! Though it was the shoot that saw my promotional boudoir images displayed in shop windows that sparked my interest in lingerie shoots, and began my love affair with lingerie!
|In the Daily Mail|
Sharing The Love | In 2011 I set up this blog as a place where I could share my modelling inspirations and photoshoots. Writing about my ideas and passions was satisfying and it was an added bonus when I realised people were reading whatever I rambled on about. Not only was the blog my platform to release creativity and tension but it appeared I was providing something of interest to read too. Showing lingerie I was wearing and planning to wear for shoots developed into the reviewing and showcasing of lingerie I desired, and lingerie marketed toward my small back, large cup niche. I never set out to blog for monetary gain or stardom but because I love working on the blog and meeting new like minded people it’s become the epicentre of my life that money can’t buy.
So that’s kinda my journey how I came from a mess to doing what I love. Writing creatively has always been my predominant passion of life and all things considered, I’m actually a pretty lucky person.